This post is a little different from the rest and is probably one of the most sincere posts I have written. My thoughts are all over right now, but I want to write all it down before this amazing feeling fades...
During struggles with a previous relationship, I became very bitter towards the Lord always asking why I had to endure those trials and why wasn't he blessing me or answering my prayers. I had my life mapped out that painted this perfect picture, but instead, it was a long while enduring painful pleading prayers, efforts with no success, and celestial desires that were only answered with disappointment. Since then I have found happiness like any other I have ever experienced, but there is still a scar of my bitterness with the Lord for what I was put through.
During that time I had lost desire to pray or to be succeptable to the Lord's love through trials. Now being happy and feeling incredibly blessed, I have been trying hard to heal that wound and find closure in the necessity of that trial.
While reading my scriptures tonight, I was studying 2 Nephi chapter 4. This chapter is often referred to as "Nephi's Psalm." As I was doing my scripture study, each verse seemed to jump off the page and smack me in the face. Verse after verse, Nephi gives heartfelt revelation that the Lord hears our crys, feels our hurts, and we need to put all our trust in him to bring us through our trials. After studying this chapter extensively and marking so many things, I felt as if a piece of my heart had been replaced and that he had hugged me tight tonight. It was an amazing feeling followed by tears. Tears of peace, tears of joy, and tears of obedience that I had kept the faith. I look back now, proud of what I accomplished emotionally and spiritually. I wouldn't trade it for anything. It has shaped so many ideals, morals, and standards I want to have in a husband who holds the priesthood, a family that is brought up in the gospel, and me being the best wife, mother, person I can be. I can now say that I am incredibly grateful that my prayers weren't answered in the way I had planned and that I wasn't given what I wanted at the time because I can't imagine missing out on what I have now.
After being spiritually fed, I came across an amazing song that was posted by a friend. This song really hit home and continued that feeling of the spirit speaking to me..... Here is the lyrics and the video to this amazing song by Hilary weeks called "Beautiful Heartbreak." It is better to read the lyrics below the video first..... Just like it says, "I used to pray he would take it all away, but instead it became a beautiful heartbreak."
I had it all mapped out in front of me,
Knew just where I wanted to go;
But life decided to change my plans,
And I found a mountain in the middle of my road.
I knew there was no way over it,
So I searched for a way around;
Brokenhearted I started climbin',
And at the top I found...
Every fear, every doubt,
All the pain I went through;
Was the price that I paid to see this view;
And now that I'm here I would never trade...
The grace that I feel,
And the faith that I find;
Through the bitter-sweet tears,
And the sleepless nights;
I used to pray he'd take it all away,
But instead it became a beautiful heartbreak.
I never dreamed my heart would make it,
I thought about turning around;
But heaven has shown me miracles,
I never would have seen from the ground.
Now I take the rain with the sunshine,
Cause there's one thing that I know;
He picks up the pieces,
Along each broken road.
Every fear, every doubt,
All the pain I went through;
Was the price that I paid to see this view;
And now that I'm here I would never trade...
The grace that I feel,
And the faith that I find;
Through the bitter-sweet tears,
And the sleepless nights.
I used to pray he'd take it all away,
But instead it became a beautiful heartbreak.
I would never trade...
The grace that I feel,
And the faith that I find;
Through the bitter-sweet tears,
And the sleepless nights.
I used to pray he'd take it all away,
But instead it became a beautiful heartbreak
Knew just where I wanted to go;
But life decided to change my plans,
And I found a mountain in the middle of my road.
I knew there was no way over it,
So I searched for a way around;
Brokenhearted I started climbin',
And at the top I found...
Every fear, every doubt,
All the pain I went through;
Was the price that I paid to see this view;
And now that I'm here I would never trade...
The grace that I feel,
And the faith that I find;
Through the bitter-sweet tears,
And the sleepless nights;
I used to pray he'd take it all away,
But instead it became a beautiful heartbreak.
I never dreamed my heart would make it,
I thought about turning around;
But heaven has shown me miracles,
I never would have seen from the ground.
Now I take the rain with the sunshine,
Cause there's one thing that I know;
He picks up the pieces,
Along each broken road.
Every fear, every doubt,
All the pain I went through;
Was the price that I paid to see this view;
And now that I'm here I would never trade...
The grace that I feel,
And the faith that I find;
Through the bitter-sweet tears,
And the sleepless nights.
I used to pray he'd take it all away,
But instead it became a beautiful heartbreak.
I would never trade...
The grace that I feel,
And the faith that I find;
Through the bitter-sweet tears,
And the sleepless nights.
I used to pray he'd take it all away,
But instead it became a beautiful heartbreak
